So this is my new blog...

I sometimes read other peoples blogs (although not really that often, who really has time to read other peoples thoughts?! quite a lot of people apparently)... and am always inspired. I've never wanted to have my own, because I've always been afraid of nailing my colours to the mast, so to speak (if that's the right phrase). I like brackets.

Tonight I do exactly that. I'm tired of chasing other peoples dreams. I believe, whether you care or not, that I was created for a purpose. I am a tremendous wreck and proud and arrogant and often think I know things that really I don't, while I shy away from sharing a God with you who has restored my life - in some ways fully, in others I remain completely ruined. My God actually does have an answer and actually can help.

I am 100% certain that there is a God and that He created this universe one way or the other, and that He created man in His perfect image, and that I am one of those said men (women, ha). I am convinced that by giving us choice we chose to be selfish, and at the same time I am sure that the God of the universe MUST be good and perfect.

I so often do something out of spite, or maybe jealousy, I hope to have people think well of me by pushing others into the back of the queue, I thought I was 'good' but....no. This is so so so bad and wrong, and therefore God could not allow me anywhere near Him. BUT I was His creation, and he loooonged that we not be separated forever, but here was all this nastyness all over me through and through, how could that nastyness come together with His perfection?

So He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to live a perfect life, who had many opportunities to push Himself to the front of the queue BUT chose not to push others behind, He chose to serve rather than be served, and was obedient to the point of dying on a cross, humiliated. And God withdrew His presence from His Son, leaving Him in absolute inperfection.

BUT GOD then raised this Jesus Christ from death. When Jesus died my nastiness died, and because I have asked God, He now looks at me and sees all the good things Jesus did rather than all my bad things. I still have much badness inside, but God sees good, and will help me to learn to be more and more good, through the failures, by His Holy Spirit which lives in me.

I would quote the Bible but I don't even know where to start. Romans somewhere. I think I've said enough for tonight, thank you for giving me time of day, I'm sorry for all the time's I've failed you. And for all the times I will fail you.